PPP235: “My first-grader doesn’t practice like I thought she would.” Is this a practicing issue or a parenting issue?

Here is the basic idea: The parent of a first-grader who just started lessons this year is letting the teacher know they will not be taking lessons over the summer because the first-grader isn’t practicing like the parent thought they would.

We will be addressing 10 reasons to continue lessons during the summer in a few weeks, in episode 240. I always bring you a list of ten somethings each tenth episode but in the meantime, I thought this needed to be addressed right away.

I ask you, Is this a practicing issue or a parenting issue?

At first, I was irritated with the parent for using their child as an excuse to possibly quit lessons.

Then I realized the parent, herself, just isn’t aware of the responsibility she has toward her child’s practice habits.

I don’t want you to be that parent. The very fact that you searched out a podcast about piano lets me know you want your child to succeed with piano lessons. Their success, especially at this young age, is heavily dependant on you.

So, let’s learn from this generic mom’s dilemma.

Let’s see what the average first-grader is able to do independently.

According to WebMD, here are a few 6-year old milestones:

Put simple sentences together. Begin to read books that are designed for their age.

Follow a series of three commands. Focus on a task at school for 15 minutes.

Know day from night and left from right.

At the ripe old age of 6, a child simply does not have the capability to remind themselves to practice on a regular basis. They hardly know what time it is!

If a young child does go to the piano on their own to practice, they have to rely on their memory to know what to play. (One way I help my young students is to mark their books with post-it notes like bookmarks. Elias wants 5 tasks because he’s 5 years old.)

How can you help your young child have a successful practice routine?

1. 1. Schedule their practice time. Chore chart, daily tasklist

   2. Let them know it is time to practice. Don’t ask them if they have or if they want to. Simply state, “It is time to practice.” just like you would announce that it is time for dinner or time for a bath.

   3. Practice with them. Read the teacher’s practice instructions (paper journal or email) and help your child follow those instructions. Even if you don’t know music, you can likely decipher the instructions on the page and your teacher’s notes.

   4. After a couple of days, you can test the waters by reminding your piano kid to practice but see if they remember what to do.

I saw a wonderful quote from Christine Goodner, author of “Beyond the Music Lesson: Habits of Successful Suzuki Families”. Christine says, “Practice is a learned skill.”

We know that our kids shouldn’t eat all their Easter candy in one sitting so they don’t get a tummy ache. We remind them to pick up their toys so they don’t step on them in the middle of the night. At this age, kids don’t know these things are important. They are just learning about choices and consequences. And, until our children learn, we have to remind them to do these things.

If they want to enjoy that proud feeling of accomplishment the next time they see their piano teacher, they need to spend time at the piano at home. Until they learn about this positive result of practice, you have to be the one to remind them and make sure it happens.

Don’t pass the responsibility torch to your child too soon.

Update: the last I read in the teacher forum, the piano teacher was able to help this parent understand that she needs to help her child practice. Way to go, teacher! and Way to go, parent, for taking the teacher’s advice. Guess who the ultimate winner is…..the piano kid!

Tracy Selle interview about what a child feels if they are allowed to quit too soon.