Have you ever found yourself having a negative reaction to someone else’s negative reaction?
Do your defenses or emotions kick into the situation, making the conversation even more tense?
On today’s show, we will talk about how to disrupt your brain’s reactionary routine and reprogram the cycle of communication.
Listen to the full episode here
How about this scenerio?
You know your piano kid needs to practice their assignment before their piano lesson next week.
Below are two possible habit routines that you and your child could be creating.
On the left, is a negative spiral that leaves everyone frustrated and minimal practicing done.
On the right, is a possible alternative where you disrupt the defensiveness, both your child’s and your own, and create a much better environment in your home.
CUE
You are the cue. You remind your piano kid to go practice. Your reminder will likely come to them when they are doing something else – something they view as more fun or more important.
You and your piano kid are on opposing sides.
The alarm on your phone or on your child’s smartwatch goes off, reminding them to practice.
The cue is external and not initiated by you. If there is a negative reaction, it is not directed at you.
You and your piano kid are a team.
ROUTINE
Because you interrupted whatever your piano kid was doing, they react to your practice reminder with a negative attitude.
Their attitude cues your own negative response, maybe even an argument.
Hopefully, this external cue will be met with a good response from your piano kid and they will get to the piano.
If their response is negative, rather than you adding your own negative feelings, stop. Stop your emotions, stop your reaction and start asking questions.
Evaluate the situation with curiosity – both from your perspective and from your child’s. Why are they pushing back like this? What is the root cause of their resistance to practice?
REWARD?
As you and your piano kid ‘feed’ off of each other’s emotions, the situation declines, no real piano practice gets done and the two of you are frustrated with each other.
The situation gets worse with each reminder to practice.
There is no reward in this communication routine.
Through conversation, you and your piano kid work together to find a solution to this challenge. Your piano kid sees you as an ally and someone they should work with rather than as someone they should rebel against, no matter how trivial the circumstance.
The reward here is not only a higher likelihood of piano practice but also a much better relationship between the two of you.
Resources mentioned in today's show
Social Sharables
Click an image to share directly to your pinterest account. Download an image to share in your social circles. If the image isn’t branded, please link back to this page and help us spread the word about all the great resources at Piano Parent Podcast. Thank you!
Thanks for listening!
To share your thoughts:
- Leave a note in the comment section below
- Ask a question at pianoparentpodcast@gmail.com
- Share this show on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest
To help out the show:
- leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts. Your ratings and reviews help other piano parents and teachers find the show.
- Subscribe on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Podbean, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast player.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify | Stitcher | Email | TuneIn | RSS | More
