PPP160: Ten Reasons We Love and Need Our Dads

16Sep 2019 by Shelly Davis

It isn’t Father’s Day in America (though September 1 was Father’s Day in Australia, so happy belated Father’s Day to all my Australian friends!) but I don’t want to wait until next June to talk about how valuable dads are to piano kids. Plus, my father’s birthday is September 20 so my mind is geared this direction at the moment.

I’ve told you before that I remember starting piano lessons because my dad convinced me that he’d love for me to learn to play a certain song for him. After that, my mother was the main one taking me to lessons each week and making sure I practiced. My mom was the coach and my dad was the cheerleader. Is that the way it is in your home? Are moms the “bad cop” and dad get to be the “good cop”?

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Statistics from the US Census Bureau 2016 census show that out 100 children living in America, 69 of them live with two parents, 23 live with their mother only, 4 live with their father only, and 4 live without their parents.

Living Arrangements of Children Under Age 18

[Source: U.S. Census Bureau]

Even in those homes with two parents, I wonder how active the father is with raising his children. Some dads confuse working long hours with “providing” for their children. They don’t seem to realize that their presence and relationship is more vital than whatever money could provide. To that end, I wanted to share some of my thoughts on how important fathers are to their children.

For fun, I’ve tried to set each topic to two words.

1. Real World

I love this quote from Focus on the Family.com

“Dads tend to see their child in relation to the rest of the world. Moms tend to see the test of the world in relation to their child. Neither style of parenting is adequate in and of itself. Taken together, they balance each other out….”

2. Love Mom

One of the best gifts you can give your children is for them to see you caring for their mother. You and she are the most important people in your child’s life.

3. Speak Up

Your parenting style is different from your wife. Figure out a way for the two of you to have a united front when dealing with your kids. That doesn’t mean she speaks and you butt out. Your kids will learn and flourish from each of your parenting styles.

4. Be There

According to the National Center for Education Statistics in the 2015-2016 school year, the percentage of female versus male teachers was 89% to 11% in elementary schools. Your children spend most of their time learning from and interacting with women and the men they encounter at school are limited in the amount and type of true interaction they can have with your child. Every child needs balance between female and male influences. Make the most of the limited time you have with your children.

5. Real Talk

Another interesting observation from Focus on the Family is that fathers and mothers speak to their children differently. They say that mothers are likely to simplify their words and speak on the child’s level while fathers are less likely to modify their language.

Momcom helps with immediate communication, dadcom challenges our children to expand their vocabulary and linguistic skills. That was a new one for me but I admit that I find myself trying to be an interpreter between my kids and my husband, probably more often than I should be.

6. Discipline Differences

Who in your family is more sympathetic and compassionate? Who is more of a rule follower, seeking justice and fairness and consequences? In many families, Mom is more sympathetic and dad is more stern. Children need a healthy balance of both.

7.Confidence Builder

Now, think of a sport or playground. Which parent in your family is reminding the kids to slow down and be careful? Who is encouraging kids to swing and climb and go for it?

In many families, mothers protect and dad encourage kids to take calculated risks.

Honestly, in our family, these roles are reversed. My husband is the one reminding the kids not to run in the house or slow down on the playground. I’m the one who often says of myself, “I’m just dumb enough to try.”

As in many of the things we’ve talked about today, I think it’s less important which parent demonstrates a certain parenting style and it is more important that children experience both. Children need the influence of both their mother and their father.

8. Face Facts

Earlier I mentioned that dads see their child in relation to the rest of the world and moms see the world in relation to their children. Because of this unique difference in perspective, fathers are able to prepare their children for the world in a different way than mothers. Dads help their children learn about consequences to their actions and attitudes.

Fathers tend to see cause and effect in basic black and white. Because of this, fathers can help prepare their children to navigate the harsh realities about the world in which they live.

9. Show Up

Your presence is felt (and missed) at your child’s activities. I’m sorry, Mom, you’re expected to be there but for some reason it’s extra special when Dad comes along too.

10. Love Well

Dad, please do not be afraid to hug your children. Boys and girls both need to receive affection from both their parents.

Dads tend to be the one who rolls in the floor wrestling with the kids. This teaches them that their actions have consequences and they need to master self-control.

If you want your son or daughter to be choosy about the person they date and marry when they grow up, raise the bar high now. The more they feel love and acceptance and pure, true affection and protection from you, the less likely they will be to seek it out from someone else, anyone else.

Final Thoughts

Mom, if you’re still listening, please know I love and respect you. I AM YOU!! My goal this week has not been to diminish our role as mother to our children. My goal has been to encourage fathers and remind them that they are also vital in their child’s life. Mothers and fathers have different but complimenting parenting styles. Our children will benefit from both.

I do hope to encourage moms to see the value your piano kid’s dad brings to the relationship. Because our parenting styles and ways of communication are so different, it’s easy to slip into defense mode and demand things be done a certain way, our way. This topic has reminded me, and I hope it was helpful to you, that my husband’s perspective is important and helpful to our children and the climate of our home. I can lean on him and appreciate how he parents our children.

You’ve heard me tell lots of stories about my dad and my family. I’d love to hear how your parents influenced you when you were growing up. How are you following their footsteps (or trying a different path) as you raise your children?

Leave a comment below.

Additional resources

Focus on the Family

The Involved Father

The Significance of a Father’s Influence

Pediatric Associates Of Franklin

The Importance of a Father in a Child’s Life

All Pro Dad

Show Affection to Your Kids

Fun Fact: My dad’s birthday is September 20.

Fun Fact Again: My mom’s birthday is September 18.

Fun Fact One More Time: I was also born on September 20.

This is a pretty special week for our family!!

Here is a picture of my mom and me outside the Ark Encounter in Grant County, Kentucky.

Thanks for listening!

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