PPP153: What is "perfect" anyway!? - Piano Parent Podcast

29Jul 2019 by Shelly Davis

I love getting mail from you guys! Recently, I received an email from a listener asking how to help her young daughter who is starting to show signs of perfectionism. What a great question!

I’m not a counselor or trained at all in the underlying issues that can cause perfectionism but I can offer you my observations from students I’ve worked with. I often say that I learn as much from my students as they learn from me. Today I will share a few examples.

What is “perfect” anyway? Merriam-Webster – “being entirely without fault or defect”. In my mind, that’s an impossible task and no matter how “perfect” I might think a thing is, someone else will have a different view and be able to find a flaw. When my grandmother was alive, we used to joke that it wasn’t IF she would find a problem with …. whatever…. it was WHAT the problem would be. The interesting thing is she always seemed to be a happy, engaging woman. Her observations didn’t come with judgement or bad feelings, they just were.

I suppose some people might think, “Perfection is impossible so I just won’t try.” My view is, “Perfection is impossible so that takes the pressure off. Just give your best effort and enjoy the process.”

Listen to the full episode here

The Self-Conscious Piano Kid

“You probably wouldn’t worry about what other people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.” – Olin Miller (1936).

Samuel Johnson in 1751 says it this way, “But the truth is, that no man is much regarded by the rest of the world, except where the interest of others is involved in his fortune. The common employments or pleasures of life, love or opposition, loss or gain, keep almost every mind in perpetual agitation. If any man would consider how little he dwells upon the condition of others, he would learn how little the attention of others is attracted by himself.”

This piano kid was very self-conscious and didn’t like to play piano when other people were around, even if the other people were complimenting her playing.

Lessons learned from the Self-conscious piano kid:

1. Even parents with good intentions can cause unpleasant results.

2. READ your children, not just what you want to see.

3. Practice needs privacy.

The Overwhelmed Piano Kid

This was a case of me giving a student too much, too soon. I pushed him too far out of his comfort zone and he froze.

Lessons learned from the Overwhelmed Piano Kid:

1. Perfectionism could be a sign of overwhelm

2. Find a place where your piano kid feels confident, build from there in small increments

3. Simply enjoy playing the piano where you are for a bit.

The Indecisive Piano Kid

This high school student is not worried about perfectionism so much as making a wrong decision. If I present her with two new pieces to study, she has a hard time deciding which one to play. I am progressively working on helping her make decisions and expressing her own musical creativity.

Lessons learned from the Indecisive Piano Kid:

1. Appreciate ‘mistakes.’ “I liked yours better.”

2. Work on a project for a friend.

3. Practice making decisions.

The Get SMART project is a fun way to help piano kids experiment with musical creativity once they’ve learned a piece.

Listen to the Get SMART with your music episodes: Part 1 and Part 2

Final Thoughts

How do you handle perfectionism tendencies? What your strategies in the comments below.

What other topics would you like to hear on the podcast? Send me a request at Shelly@pianoparentpodcast.com. I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

Shout out to NaNa and the Teach for Growth teaching community in Vietnam. NaNa recently invited me to chat with her and her audience. What a treat!

You can watch the interview here.

Thanks for listening!

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