PPP138: Dear Mom, Hang in There! - Piano Parent Podcast

15Apr 2019 by Shelly Davis

In case you didn’t know, this podcast is called the Piano Parent Podcast. Most episodes deal with common obstacles or struggles students face when learning to play the piano. Today, I’d like to spend our time together by focusing on just you, parents.

Specifically, today I want to encourage you to stand firm and do not give in.

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Remember the goal is to train your child

Since my youngest is 16 and my parenting skills are a little dated, I decided to check out what others say about modern parenting. This article by Robert Locke from LIfehack.org had some interesting things to say about this topic. He says it is a mistake to give in to have a quiet life.

Many parents give in because they have to juggle credit card, shopping, trolley and a screaming child. The only problem about giving in and hoping for a quiet life is that the child has learned a new strategy. This will be used again and again. It works!

I couldn’t agree more and I’ll talk a bit more about giving in in a bit but I have a few comments about his ‘fix’ for temptation in the grocery store.

The best way to avoid grocery store meltdowns is to:

Make sure that the child has had his snack before going shopping
- Yes and No – those temptations have nothing to do with hunger
- We see, we want – unless we have a good strategy in mind
Avoid shopping with a child in tow
- Yes and No – Duane often says he’d rather go to the store without me because we end up spending more money. LOL
- I’d prefer that you include your child in the grocery shopping trip
  - If they are learning to write, have them write a shopping list
  - I love the little child sized carts!
  - Use this opportunity to teach them….anything!
    - Colors, sorting, price comparison, counting money
Use delivery services as much as possible
- Solves the problem of grocery shopping but doesn’t teach our children any form of discipline.
Lobby supermarkets to stop stocking checkouts with junk food
- This one irks me the most. It demands other people take responsibility to make things easier for me.
- NO! I need to take responsibility for myself and I must teach my children to make responsible choices.

Make it stop!

Our temptation when our child is being disagreeable – they are whining about playing a song they think is too hard – or having a full-on temper tantrum – they are crying and hiding under the piano bench to avoid the piano (This happened many years ago in a lesson. I held the young man’s hand and marched him out to his mother’s car. I told her his lesson was over for the day and that we would try again next week. I am proud to tell you that same young man has continued lessons with me all these years and will be graduating high school this year. He has continued to study piano his own way and has achieved unconventional success but he has learned to keep working and to respect my instruction. Hugh goal achieved!) Our temptation in those situations is to give in. Just make it stop!

Like Robert Locke says in his article, that is teaching your child a strategy but it is not about coping or perseverance or discipline. Giving in only teaches them that crying and being loud works. Each time you give in, their will becomes stronger.

The first time you do not give in, you may feel like they will never stop crying or they will never settle down. Once they learn that tactic is not going to be successful, they will not work so hard at their tantrum (an uncontrolled outburst of anger and frustration, typically in a young child.) the next time.

Each time you stand your ground. You speak calmly to the child, assure them that you love them and they are safe but remind them that they must obey you. Their tantrum will become less powerful and last a shorter period of time.

If it’s not working, they are smart and will try a different strategy.

Set YOURSELF up for success

Here are some suggestions for setting your piano kid and yourself up for success.

Prepare your child for what is to come.
- We don’t like surprises or changes to our routine.
- Explain, in a way they will understand, that something different is going to happen. It doesn’t have to be a long involved lecture, just a quick, “We usually go to piano lessons on Wednesday but now we get to go on Monday.”
Make sure the task is something that will have a positive impact on your child.
- Don’t push them into harder music or piano contests if they aren’t ready – technically or emotionally.
- Work with your teacher to find music and activities that will progressively help them move forward in the piano skills.
Take responsibility for yourself and how you and your spouse wish to raise your child.
- If you know your child has had a rough week, text your teacher or speak to them privately. Give him or her a heads up about what’s been happening. They will most likely support you and encourage your piano kid.
- Like the mom at the top of the show. I heard her working with her son. I didn’t interfere but when his sister’s lesson was done, I gave the mom my best smile and told her to hang in there, that I was sending her strong mom vibes. Parents need encouragement too. The next lesson this week, everybody was back on track.

Final Thoughts

Parenting is not for the faint of heart. Our children don’t come with instruction manuals, we have to learn as we go. Sometimes we will give in too easily because we are tired and we just want some peace and quiet. I want you to know you are doing a good work and I support you and hope to encourage you.

Hang in there!

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