PPP110: Ten Ways to Genuinely Compliment Your Piano Kid

17Sep 2018 by Shelly Davis

My kids know when I’m not really listening to them because I will nod and say, “That’s great!” in the wrong places. Sometimes my husband will add crazy made-up details to a story to see if I’m paying attention. We all know what it feels like to be ignored or, worse, to be complimented insincerely. Saying “That’s Great!” or “You’re Awesome” requires little effort on our part and doesn’t really give the confidence boost we think it does.

Today I’d like to share with you some compliments I’ve received and that I try to share with my students. I hope they will give you some ideas of how you can put in a little more effort to genuinely compliment your piano kid.

1. "That is my favorite piece"

This morning, at her lessons, Peyton said “Under the Sea” was her dad’s favorite piece. I know he isn’t the kind of man who actually loves children’s movies but he does love his daughter and she remembered that her dad was listening to her play.

2. "Grandma would love to hear you play this song!"

I’ve said before that grandparents make the best cheerleaders! It thrills me as a teacher when I hear that my students call or facetime their grandparents to play their music for them.

3. Sometimes a smile is enough

Kathie Storey is a lady who also attended my church when I was growing up. I remember seeing her smiling at me from the church pew when I would sing in church. She was a safe place for me to look if I was scared. Her smile and attention gave me confidence to keep going.

4. "I can tell you’ve been working on that part"

You don’t have to say whether their music is good or point out the mistakes, just compliment the effort.

5. "You’re almost there!"

Travis attempted to play a piece from memory yesterday. He knows most of his piece but had to have a few hints.

He knew that I knew it wasn’t quite memorized. Rather than pointing out all the problems, I simply told him he was almost there. I helped him work through some of the memory lapses and gave him some practice goals for this week.

I am confident that he will have it memorized next week. He is confident that I will tell him the truth in a kind way.

6. Hum or dance while they play

This could terrify them at first so you may need to build up to it. Often when I’m working in my studio, my husband is preparing our evening meal in the kitchen. He can hear us and we can hear him but we make it work. If he sings or whistles while my student is playing I will tell them that is a huge compliment! He recognized your piece because you were playing it so well.

7. “Did you notice….?”

Sometimes students forget to listen to themselves. We need to help them become active listeners. Ask them if they noticed how smoothly they played that tricky passage or if they noticed that they add dynamics and musical expression.

8. “Do you remember….?”

Just like students need to be reminded to listen to themselves when they play, they also need to be reminded of what they’ve accomplished. Sometimes I ask my students, “Do you remember when you first saw this piece and you thought it was way too hard for you?” “Do you remember when your fingers kept getting tangled in this spot?” “Do you remember how you had to slow down to be able to play this tricky section? Sometimes students only see their current obstacle. Remind them of the obstacles they’ve already overcome.

9. “You beat me to the piano!”

This is something I ask my students to do at home. “See if you can beat your mom to the piano by practicing before she has to remind you.”

If this happens in your house, acknowledge it with genuine gratitude. You could even thank you piano kid. They made your job easier.

10. “Did you see how he responded to your music?”

One of my most favorite piano lesson memories has to do with Mrs. Heath’s son when I was playing “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer”. (Listen to the audio to hear the full story.)

Final thoughts

Don’t lie to your child. They know when you’re not being sincere with them. Let them know they can trust you to tell the the truth in a loving, nurturing way.

Be specific. This shows you’ve really been listening. “Good job” could apply to anyone. Let your piano kid know how special they are to you and that you listen to them….on purpose.

It does them no good to tell them they are the best piano player in the world. (Maybe you could say they are the best piano player in YOUR world).

Notice how your child’s face lights up when you give them a genuine compliment. That, in itself, is a compliment to your parenting. Well done!

Thanks for listening!

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